You’ve seen them out there. You’ve shaken your head in disbelief. You’ve vowed never ever to be like them. And yet, every now and then, even for just a brief fleeting moment, we all have done at least ONE of these things that drive us nuts when we see other people do them. So sit back, sip your coffee, go through this list, have a laugh, and hopefully you’re not guilty of too many of them. Enjoy!
1 – Your profiles are empty.
Equivalent to: Showing up at a cocktail party wearing a fencing suit. Faceless, and with no distinguishing markings, nobody has any idea who you are, or why you’re there.
2 – Everything is linked and synchronized.
Equivalent to: Your telephone ringing all of your friends every time you make a call. Not everyone wants the same information, at the same time. Treat your social networks the same way.
3 – Everything is automated.
Equivalent to: Being a robot. You’re not a robot, are you?
4 – There are comments on your Facebook wall from weeks ago with no responses from you.
Equivalent to: Leaving halfway through a conversation with no warning. “Hey, where’d you go?”
5 – You follow people, then unfollow if they don’t follow back, then follow them again, then unfollow if they don’t follow back, Ad Nauseam.
Equivalent to: That little dog Chester from Looney Tunes who just wants to be tough Spike’s friend SOOOOOO BAD, he can’t event stand himself. “We’re friends, aren’t we Spike? Huh? Huh? Aren’t we? Aren’t we? I like Spike because he’s so big and strong. Yeah.”
6 – Your blog hasn’t been updated in a year.
Equivalent to: A one night stand. This relationship meant nothing to you, and I’ve moved on.
7 – YOU TYPE EVERYTHING IN ALL-CAPS AND USE MANY EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!!!!!!
Equivalent to: Shouting. All the time. About everything. Stop it. You’re hurting my ears and upsetting the kittens.
8 – #you #are #mired #in #hashtag #hell
Equivalent to: There’s no real-word equivalent to this phenomenon. If you talked like this in real life, you’d be beaten regularly.
9 – Your Facebook page loads to a splash landing graphic instead of your wall.
Equivalent to: Shoving a flyer in the face of every friend who stops by your house for a visit. Classy.
10 – 90% of your tweets preach engagement, but you let countless mentions go by unanswered.
Equivalent to: Do as I say, not as I do. We can all be guilty of this from time to time, but it’s a terrible idea to build your empire on it.
11 – Your LinkedIn page is a barren wasteland.
Equivalent to: Not updating your resume since 2001. Seriously? You haven’t done anything worth talking about in the last decade?
12 – Your profile picture is you, only from 30 years ago.
Equivalent to: I’m just as cool, hip, and trendy as I was in college. Also, that leather tie kicks ass.
13 – You announce your Klout score every time it goes up a notch.
Equivalent to: That guy on the golf course driving range who shouts ‘Did you SEE THAT!?!’ every time he hits one farther than 100 yards.
14 – All you can think of when asked about ‘good social media examples’ is your own stuff.
Equivalent to: “Everyone is stupid except me.” – Homer Simpson
15 – You never check or use Social Media on your mobile device.
Equivalent to: Putting a pie in the oven, and then leaving the house for three hours. No, you don’t need to stare at it until it’s done, but you need to check on it regularly so it doesn’t burn. Nobody likes burnt pie.
16 – When a new social network rolls around, your default response is ‘That’s stupid.”
Equivalent to: Look at that idiot, Henry Ford. Everyone knows the REAL money is in horse diapers.
17 – You use different names/handles, different descriptions, and different vanity URLs on each social media channel.
Equivalent to: Multiple-personality disorder. Seriously, which one ARE you?
18 – You change your profile picture on an hourly basis.
Equivalent to: Constantly changing clothes and hairstyles. It’s annoying, and no one can figure out why you’re doing it.
19 – You flat-out beg for followers, likes, and retweets.
Equivalent to: Ooooh! Ooooh! Pick me! Pick me! Pleeeeaaaaassse?!?
Can you think of any to add to this list that I’ve missed? Let’s hear ‘em!